Going back to work after having a baby is tough! After being back for 4 months these are the lessons I have learnt.

I went back to work when Jake was nine and a half months old after having spent (almost) every day together since he was born. I had very mixed feelings about going back; I enjoy my job, my colleagues are amazing, and it gives me a sense of satisfaction and worthwhile…as well as paying the bills(!), so I was excited to go back BUT I was also desperately sad at the fact I wouldn’t be spending my days with Jake.

I loved my maternity leave, Jake and I quickly found our groove and the time flew by. Like a lot of new

mums I did have dark days; days when Jake would just not stop crying, days when self-doubt clouded over any positive-ness I thought I had, and days when I had the inevitable identity crisis – am I a mum, am I a wife am I the milking-cow (I breast fed Jake), who is Faye? But for every dark day there was a bright day and work quickly became a distant memory.

I have now been back for nearly 4 months and after having the Christmas break I have had some time to reflect on going back and how it has made me feel about being a working mum.

Judgement

Judgement from others and judgement from myself – it’s brutal. Working and being a mum is hard and you constantly have to make tough decisions which start even before you return. When to go back to work? Going back full-time or part-time? How part-time do I go back – what will they let me do, what can I afford to do? Everyone seemed to have an opinion and a comment to make. Every time I drop Jake off at my in-laws or at nursery I question whether I am doing the right thing and I am not sure it will ever change. Jake will grow up knowing both his parents work to provide a life as a family where we can have days out, go on holiday and afford birthday and Christmas presents. Our time as a family in the evenings and weekends is precious and Jake knows he is very much loved – so that’s the main thing right?

Lesson learnt: Going back because you have to, going back because you want to, going back because you need to, or not going back to work at all – it doesn’t matter, it especially doesn’t matter what other people think. You do what is right for you and your family – your life, your decision.

Time

There is a saying that babies are the ultimate time wasters and it is absolutely true – I spent hours just looking at Jake on maternity leave and wondering how I made someone so perfect. Days would disappear in a haze of naps, nappy changes, outfit changes, walks, baby classes and play time. Having gone back to work time has taken on a whole new meaning. Mornings….OMG mornings! Getting myself up and ready for the day and getting Jake up, fed and ready for the day is a mission. Getting into the office (whatever time it ends up being!) and having the first cup of coffee is bliss…even if it does feel like I have done a whole day in just a morning! I am very lucky that I can work from home on days where I have no meeting planned in which is amazing, especially if we have had a rough night.

Lesson learnt: You are not going to snap into a routine right away. It is going to take a long time to work it out and then when you do it gets completely messed up because your baby will have a patch of sickness, or you will or there will be annual leave or Christmas to turn everything upside down!

Friendships

Some say that NCT is an expensive way to make new friends…pricey it may be, but I can safely say that without my mum squad in my life my mind, sanity and outlook on motherhood would be very different to the positive-ness I have going on today! Since going back to work the frequency of seeing the girls and my other friends has definitely changed, but many have babies and children of their own so they get it! They understand you are knackered from working for most of the week and then being mum and keeping your tiny human alive for the other days and also broke as you are desperately trying to recover from maternity pay! We schedule in play dates and catch ups, some of which are cancelled because the baby is poorly, or you have caught a cold from your baby…! But when you do get together it is like time hasn’t passed.

Lesson learnt: Friendships are going to change because you have changed – you are not the same person you were pre-baby. You have created and nurtured life and they take priority. The great thing is they all understand as they have either gone though it or are going though it. WhatsApp, Instagram and Facebook will become vital in keeping up to date with what is happening in everyone’s life until you find that golden date which everyone has free to drink prosecco and wear something more fancy than their mum uniform!

Relationship

Going back to work has definitely changed my relationship with Rich. We are, and have always been, a strong team; we support each other and love each other enough to be our own people with separate interests as well as having our life together. Having Jake brought more happiness and pride into our relationship than we could ever have imagined. Rich supported me through maternity leave emotionally, physically and financially, and from the moment Jake was born became the most amazing daddy. He went back to work when Jake was 2 weeks old, I got nine and a half months with him – which is worse? There is an argument for both and possibly a whole different blog post! But going back definitely gave me a new found respect for Rich as I learnt how difficult it is to only have a few hours a day with Jake. We alternate the weekend lay-ins, neither of us are morning people and we love our sleep so being able to have one morning each at the weekend not getting up with Jake is just heaven!

Lesson learnt: Life does revolve around the tiny human you made together – and rightly so! Rich works full time, I work part-time. It is tough, our energy in the evening goes into Jake playing with him, bath time and then getting him to sleep. After this we are both knackered and have some evenings where we barely speak! BUT it is important to book in babysitters to have Jake every now and again so Rich and I can spend some quality time together…even if we do spend the entire time talking about Jake!

Money

Financial insecurity has been crippling – maternity pay is absolutely sh*t. However, I haven’t been the most sensible either. On maternity leave Amazon became by best friend and I was spending more or less like I was still earning decent money. Throw in a house extension and it just made the year even better…! Rich has been fantastic and kept us afloat but now I’m back at work I need to sort out my personal bank account and my credit card so that I don’t cry every time I look at it! To do this I am starting a no-buy/low-spend year where I am not buying clothes, make-up or home wear bits. I am only buying things if they run out and I don’t have an alternative in the cupboard, I can buy presents for people for birthdays etc and I can buy bits Jake needs (but only what he actually needs, not just because an outfit looks cute!) – a massive challenge but one I need to do, and succeed at! I will have a separate blog post about this soon. On a final money note – nursery fees!!!!!! WOW do they take a huge chunk out of your already diminished part-time pay check!

Lesson learnt: Saving as much money before baby arrives is so important and once back at work your salary is just not the same!

Lesson learnt: I should have saved more money before Jake was born! The salary I earn now is reduced due to part-time hours and reduced further by a large chunk going towards nursery fees. What I am left with after paying the bills and other outgoings is shocking, but this is my new reality. It will take me most of this year to get back to a comfortable position, but it will be done!

Mindset

I would say my minset has been one of the hardest things to sort out. I very quickly switched off from work. I began maternity leave three weeks before Jake was born so I had time to stop and prepare (spoiler alert – no amount of preparation is enough!) Trying to switch my mind back on to work has been a challenge. As well as working four days a week I am also studying for a PhD so switching back on to this has been hard as I haven’t looked at it, or barely thought about it for over a year! I am also struggling with being present – when I am with Jake I want to feel like I am really with him and not thinking or worrying about work, and when I am at work I need to feel that I am focused on the project or task at hand and not worrying if Jake is okay, if he is eating his meals or if has realised he hasn’t seen me in a few hours. I need to work on this and I am determined that over the next couple of months I will find my groove again.

Lesson learnt: Don’t run before you can walk. Take it slow, make use of KIT days and support given to you by other colleagues. No-one expects you to hit the ground running and function at the level you were pre maternity leave so be kind to yourself, be organised and schedule work in with achievable goals. (This is just my experience in my job and my workplace, I am aware that other people may have different situations).

Who am I?

I am an employee, I am a team member, I am a colleague, I am also a mummy a wife, a friend – it’s a long list of identities to balance and from conversations I have had with a lot of my friends it is a struggle that I think affects a lot of new working mums. I have very much struggled to balance them all and most days the balance isn’t there. I feel very much like a plate spinner making sure to attend to the wobbly plates before they smash! But in all honesty I think it was like this before Jake came along! Having him has just added an extra plate to the circus act!

Lesson learnt: I am Faye. I am not superwoman. Ask for help, ask for support. Message the girls and talk!